So my feelings were leading me in the correct direction.
All of a sudden I have been bombarded with rumors & tales of my EX tryin got pick up other girls already, attempting to sleep with them... one being a friend of mine. Who works with me.
How do you say.... LOW BLOW?!
...To be continued.
X's & O's!
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."
Song of Solomon 1:2
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine.
Oh, the Bible. =) Amazing... & of course, it would be. When I am happy, I go to the Bible for verses that may speak for me when I'm speechless. When I am sad, I go to the Bible for the verses He knows will help me see the bigger picture & cheer me up. When I feel lost, God uses the Bible to help me in finding directions (to the righteous paths!). You get the idea. Thank God for that Bible!
Lately... I have been going to the Bible because I am in the middle of making one of the biggest decisions of my life. This decision will affect my future, my son's future, everyone...everything...
I am not married yet. However, I have a handsome, smart little 10-month old. &My son is just...such a bessing. He is such a joy! For over two years now, I have been trying my hardest to make the best out of the situation that I've gotten myself into. I know relationships are not easy, but love is.
You feel love.
Or you don't.
... and as for my son's dad, we have been together this entire time... but I don't feel love. &Oh Lord knows how badly I want to feel love. He knows! I want to be happy! I want to be with someone less controlling, someone more mature, someone fun yet responsible, someone who my family can accept & sigh with relief for, someone who wants to take care of us, someone who can take care of us, someone who can be a best friend, someone who can respect me, someone who I can trust, someone who knows how to trust inreturn, someone who believes in tough Love (right in the middle - not more tough & not more love), someone... someone who I am afraid does not exist. I fear this unknown, but I also fear that if I never cross this bridge...how will I ever know?
&Another thing, bizarre as this might sound...at this time in my life, I feel like I just want to be alone. I want to figure out who I am now... now that I'm a mom. I want to work on myself as a Christian. I just want to grow into the new, improved, best version of myself. &I just feel like my son's dad will never give me the room I need to grow, & will never get with the program. I'm going one way, & he's going another.
&All I know is this. I want everything that the Bible says about love. I feel like all of those verses will never really mean anything until you can read them & know exactly who that special someone is.
1 Corinthians 13:1-8a and 13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails....And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
I will keep praying on this matter, however I am almost certain which path I'm about to turn down.
Advice, tips, opinions? All would be greatly appreciated. =)
X's & O's!
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine.
Oh, the Bible. =) Amazing... & of course, it would be. When I am happy, I go to the Bible for verses that may speak for me when I'm speechless. When I am sad, I go to the Bible for the verses He knows will help me see the bigger picture & cheer me up. When I feel lost, God uses the Bible to help me in finding directions (to the righteous paths!). You get the idea. Thank God for that Bible!
Lately... I have been going to the Bible because I am in the middle of making one of the biggest decisions of my life. This decision will affect my future, my son's future, everyone...everything...
I am not married yet. However, I have a handsome, smart little 10-month old. &My son is just...such a bessing. He is such a joy! For over two years now, I have been trying my hardest to make the best out of the situation that I've gotten myself into. I know relationships are not easy, but love is.
You feel love.
Or you don't.
... and as for my son's dad, we have been together this entire time... but I don't feel love. &Oh Lord knows how badly I want to feel love. He knows! I want to be happy! I want to be with someone less controlling, someone more mature, someone fun yet responsible, someone who my family can accept & sigh with relief for, someone who wants to take care of us, someone who can take care of us, someone who can be a best friend, someone who can respect me, someone who I can trust, someone who knows how to trust inreturn, someone who believes in tough Love (right in the middle - not more tough & not more love), someone... someone who I am afraid does not exist. I fear this unknown, but I also fear that if I never cross this bridge...how will I ever know?
&Another thing, bizarre as this might sound...at this time in my life, I feel like I just want to be alone. I want to figure out who I am now... now that I'm a mom. I want to work on myself as a Christian. I just want to grow into the new, improved, best version of myself. &I just feel like my son's dad will never give me the room I need to grow, & will never get with the program. I'm going one way, & he's going another.
&All I know is this. I want everything that the Bible says about love. I feel like all of those verses will never really mean anything until you can read them & know exactly who that special someone is.
1 Corinthians 13:1-8a and 13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails....And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
I will keep praying on this matter, however I am almost certain which path I'm about to turn down.
Advice, tips, opinions? All would be greatly appreciated. =)
X's & O's!
Sunday, June 20, 2010
♥My Pink Guitar♥
Oh, it's so freaking cute! :)
After all of the years of wanting & making plans to learn how to play guitar, the days are finally here. The day after my last post, I went to the local music store & purchased my first guitar. A pretty pink one at that! :)
I'm so excited to take this step forward in my life & to learn something new. I believe many great things will come of this. After my fingertips stop bleeding. :)
*PRAYER REQUEST*
June 22nd marks one year since my son's grandma passed away. She battled pancreatic cancer for two years & lost the fight before any of us were able to see her hold him. As you can imagine, my fiance' & his sisters are in a severe state of heartache. Please prayer for this family. I know the Good Lord wants us to rejoice for our loved ones for their entering into Heaven, but He knows we are simply human & rejoicing for this cause is much easier said than done. Thank you! God Bless! :)
X's & O's!
After all of the years of wanting & making plans to learn how to play guitar, the days are finally here. The day after my last post, I went to the local music store & purchased my first guitar. A pretty pink one at that! :)
I'm so excited to take this step forward in my life & to learn something new. I believe many great things will come of this. After my fingertips stop bleeding. :)
*PRAYER REQUEST*
June 22nd marks one year since my son's grandma passed away. She battled pancreatic cancer for two years & lost the fight before any of us were able to see her hold him. As you can imagine, my fiance' & his sisters are in a severe state of heartache. Please prayer for this family. I know the Good Lord wants us to rejoice for our loved ones for their entering into Heaven, but He knows we are simply human & rejoicing for this cause is much easier said than done. Thank you! God Bless! :)
X's & O's!
Friday, June 18, 2010
One thing!
As a little girl, I always felt like I was meant to be a performer on a stage. I've been in different types of dance classes since the beginning of time, acted in plays, sang in choirs, competed in talent shows, hit up karaoke bars during my party days (even offered a job on the spot at a Coyote Ugly!). However, as I'm less & less involved with that rock star personality from my past, I have been feeling a stronger urge to be on stage!
As of lately, I've been feeling this call to perform christian/gospel music. I think this is one of those tasks God lays on your heart to do & I think I have put too many of those tasks on the back burner. This is one task I am actually going to subtly attempt. So far, I've hit up craigslist & added a post to bring up the idea in case someone with an instrument would like to help me out. I also searched around to see if anyone else in the area has similar interests & even wrote a hand full of emails.
One issue I'm having is writing song lyrics. I used to be pretty decent, but I feel very rusty! Any tips? Encouraging words of advice? &another, my piano playing skills are all out of whack. I would really like to learn how to play guitar.. how should one begin to tackle such a task?
It's quite a liberating feeling to just suddenly start making steps towards a goal such as this. Nothing may happen of it, but if I write one song & sing it at a church & one person actually listens & God sends a message to that person through my song... then mission complete!! Learning guitar has always been something I've wanted to do anyway, so I really couldn't be more excited about taking on this adventure.
Dove Awards, here I come! :D
No, really tho... is there any single thing that you have always wanted to do in your lifetime? Something you have simply dreamed of?? Then I challenge you to make an attempt at that one thing. Give a try. What's the worst that could happen? You figure out it's not all it's cracked up to be, or get bored, or fail?? I look at it this way... instead of any of those scenarios, try this one instead: I TRIED. &All of your friends will say, "You go, girl!" *snap the finger, snake the neck* :) hehe
X's & O's!
As of lately, I've been feeling this call to perform christian/gospel music. I think this is one of those tasks God lays on your heart to do & I think I have put too many of those tasks on the back burner. This is one task I am actually going to subtly attempt. So far, I've hit up craigslist & added a post to bring up the idea in case someone with an instrument would like to help me out. I also searched around to see if anyone else in the area has similar interests & even wrote a hand full of emails.
One issue I'm having is writing song lyrics. I used to be pretty decent, but I feel very rusty! Any tips? Encouraging words of advice? &another, my piano playing skills are all out of whack. I would really like to learn how to play guitar.. how should one begin to tackle such a task?
It's quite a liberating feeling to just suddenly start making steps towards a goal such as this. Nothing may happen of it, but if I write one song & sing it at a church & one person actually listens & God sends a message to that person through my song... then mission complete!! Learning guitar has always been something I've wanted to do anyway, so I really couldn't be more excited about taking on this adventure.
Dove Awards, here I come! :D
No, really tho... is there any single thing that you have always wanted to do in your lifetime? Something you have simply dreamed of?? Then I challenge you to make an attempt at that one thing. Give a try. What's the worst that could happen? You figure out it's not all it's cracked up to be, or get bored, or fail?? I look at it this way... instead of any of those scenarios, try this one instead: I TRIED. &All of your friends will say, "You go, girl!" *snap the finger, snake the neck* :) hehe
X's & O's!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
The weight I carry.
I just want to make it known that this isn't a topic I was too excited about ever writing about, but I prayed about this blog post beforehand... & here it is. I just want to make it known that if anyone is reading this (at all! LoL) who ever needs someone to talk to about the subject matter of this post... please don't hesitate to contact me. Leave a comment, write an e-mail! Anything! Just as much as you need someone to talk to, I do as well. :)
The title of this post has nothing to do with the baby fat I've been carrying around for nine whole months now (love that precious little boy of mine to pieces, so I consider the demolition of my body well worth it). The weight I carry has taken physical tolls, but the weight I'm really referring to is more the emotional type.
It's been over two years now, although sometimes I can hardly remember the day, time, & year of when I was saved. But I never forget, & surely never will.
Months prior, I moved to a new area to be closer to family. No more rockin' out in Austin, TX. I had been suspended from school due to academic failures. I was dating a drug dealer, big on the college scene. I was headed no where & fast. When I moved to Halls, Tn. I realized that sure enough I did make it no where, & it did happen quite fast! Nevertheless, I put on my Oakley's & put my cute little sports car into gear & took on the adventure!
This experience was one of the worst of all of the moves I had made in my lifetime. I've lived in Houston, Texas, Bar Harbor, Maine, New Orleans, Louisiana, ATX, but Halls.... oh goodness. Never had I met an unfriendlier area. Of course, the guys were all sweet as could be. They wanted a piece of the new girl, but being the picky girl I've always been, only a select few even got close enough for a CHANCE at a taste of these sweet puckers! The girls couldn't stand to be around me. I had a few girls who took a minute to get to know me & we hit it off only to hear later that I "was nice, but too pretty! I don't want her NEAR my boyfriend!" LIKE I WANTED LEROY JR. IN THE FIRST PLACE?! *shrug* I was stuck there with no friends, missing my pill dealing boyfriend who kept begging me to move back to him, &no matter how hard you worked you couldn't get paid barely a dime! In Austin I had gotten well accustomed to waitressing & bringing home $200-$300 a night!
Finally, I started to make some friends. It was like it all happened so fast! Of course, the friends I made were of the rich-kid partying variety so I fell right back into the drug scene, partied all hours of the night, met some people I'd never let my son (or future kiddos) hang out with. I doubt detail is needed, you can probably imagine! During this time I even met a few good people. People who started the process of helping me pick different paths, people who made me want to do better again, people who made me feel worthwhile. One in particular who I will always remember as the person who God placed in my path to help pick me up after I fell.
So the weekend before summer classes started, after I had quit all the other drugs I had been doing... I decided to quit smoking pot! I had been a dedicated stoney stoner since my first years of high school, but I just felt ready to quit. SO Saturday night, I went to the only store that would have been open past 10pm, & everyone is out, about, &ready to shout! (Yeeeehaw! Know what I mean?? LoL!) I had a few options of where to go for the night to at least get my drink on. I hadn't given that up yet! I had originally planned to surprise a special someone but the special someone didn't have the best skills of communicating & after something was said & misread, I had decided to cancel those plans. I figured I'd make it easy for myself to just stay away from any parties where I knew burnouts would be so I didn't cave & smoke. I chose to party with the rich-kid partyers.
SO...
I catch a ride with one guy to a club our friend owns. On the way, he changes direction to a house party. We meet up with a kid who had been trying tirelessly to get my attention, with no such luck. I remember him getting an attitude with me a few times because of the attention I had been showing that special someone I referred to earlier (who also happened to be one of his acquaintances). So, we show up to the house party. Or their excuse for a house party, rather. Right away I feel odd about the whole situation. I look around & do a head count... there's five guys here... &... me? I ask where everyone's at. They respond with "On the way", & "At the store". Then the Weasel offers up shots to everyone. I'm a shot kind of girl, so I was all about it! Jager bombs! WHOO! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! *Fist Pumping* There was just one thing... one cardinal rule, which slipped through my finger tips. I didn't see him pour the shots. The shots were there & ready when we showed up. This is where Homer hits himself, screaming "Doh!"
During the rest of the night, I am in & I am out. At one point I remember stumbling to the restroom, peeing, & wiping...thinking "What in the world? What's that?? It's not like I'm into any of those guys..". I remember going to the convenience store with the Weasel to get more alcohol. I remember sitting in the parking lot of the convenience store I had originally started at 20 minutes away, with the Weasel. He was saying something, but I couldn't make it out. I remember being naked at the Weasel's house, in his swimming pool & almost drowning. I remember being in his bed, pushing him away.
I remember.
Then I remember waking up to a phone call... I answer to hear a worried voice, look around in confusion, then with a pounding head & sore throat I start screaming "Oh my God... Oh MY God..OH MY GOD!" I hang up.
There is Weasel.
Weasel apparently had his shower already, & is walking around his room like he's walking on sunshine.
Again, I start to fall back out...
I am in & I am out.
For the next two days.
During those days, I went to the sheriff's department, who transported me to a Memphis Rape Crisis Center (where I was treated like a street walker until the nurse realized I was SOMEBODY...a student in college, & cheerleader AT LEAST!), I tested positive for methamphetamine, opiates & THC, I met with a rape advocate, I cried in the arms of loved ones, I screamed & kicked & got in my car just to drive ...away.
After the drugs wore off, I wouldn't allow myself to sleep. For days, for weeks.
During those weeks, I dealt with being harassed by all walks of life. Because I had gone to the police, because I was pressing charges... it was a Hurricane Katrina of bullshit being thrown my way. Friends of the Weasel tried to run me off the road! People gathered in areas I normally would have gone to in attempt to jump me! It was just mayhem. As if I hadn't been through enough!
I was a frail angel... I had been chewed, spit out, beaten, broken & ripped apart.
I was hurting so bad, & one day...driving along a back road, crying as I listened to music. It hit me out of nowhere. I knew where I needed to go. So I went. I drove to Westside Baptist, the only church I knew anything about (thanks to that special someone, who had performed a concert there one evening). I couldn't bring myself to go inside. I wasn't dressed for it, of course. I was also very unsure.
That evening, in Wal-Mart with my grandma... God put in our paths the owners of that same church, Westside Baptist. It turned out that my grandma knew them & she introduced me. Immediately they saw the longing & pain in my eyes. They gave me contact information & I saw them again that Sunday.
I met with the Pastor. We spoke about being saved, & it slapped me right across the face... when I woke up, calling to God those three times out loud... that was the moment He saved me. After this message hit my ears, it was like peace on Earth. There was a change in me & around me. Of course, God was preparing me for dealing with the wicked. Which I did. At the time, I felt no justice was served. Now I know that no judge has power in comparison to the Lord. GOD is JUST! He has already collected debts, & I am sure there are more payments to be made.
Isaiah 30:18 "Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!"
The hardest thing in dealing with this traumatic experience has been with forgiveness. Jesus hung from a cross & prayed for his persecutors. How could I ever forgive? Where or who do I start with? Sometimes it is good to start with God. A lot of times people will go through something so tragic & traumatic... all they can do is begrudge God, demanding to know why them! What needs to be done first is to realize no matter how awful the situation, it will get better as soon as you put it in God's hands... because He has a plan! He had one all along!
Proverbs 16:3 "Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. "
Another place to start with forgiveness is forgiving YOURSELF! In my situation, I knew better to drink those shots which I did not see poured myself... but I can't turn back time. I can only learn from my mistakes & let my light shine! It is much better to learn from others mistakes than go through the hardships yourself.
As for forgiving the people involved... I've felt the power of God trying to help me heal with this issue, & I feel like I'm ready to face the Weasel & announce this forgiveness. I feel like I have forgiven, but it won't be official to me until he knows. This has been the hardest chapter in this story but it feels incredible to know that this book is finally coming to a long-awaited end.
I am healed!
(&you can be too!)
Thank you for reading this post.
God Bless!
X's & O's!
The title of this post has nothing to do with the baby fat I've been carrying around for nine whole months now (love that precious little boy of mine to pieces, so I consider the demolition of my body well worth it). The weight I carry has taken physical tolls, but the weight I'm really referring to is more the emotional type.
It's been over two years now, although sometimes I can hardly remember the day, time, & year of when I was saved. But I never forget, & surely never will.
Months prior, I moved to a new area to be closer to family. No more rockin' out in Austin, TX. I had been suspended from school due to academic failures. I was dating a drug dealer, big on the college scene. I was headed no where & fast. When I moved to Halls, Tn. I realized that sure enough I did make it no where, & it did happen quite fast! Nevertheless, I put on my Oakley's & put my cute little sports car into gear & took on the adventure!
This experience was one of the worst of all of the moves I had made in my lifetime. I've lived in Houston, Texas, Bar Harbor, Maine, New Orleans, Louisiana, ATX, but Halls.... oh goodness. Never had I met an unfriendlier area. Of course, the guys were all sweet as could be. They wanted a piece of the new girl, but being the picky girl I've always been, only a select few even got close enough for a CHANCE at a taste of these sweet puckers! The girls couldn't stand to be around me. I had a few girls who took a minute to get to know me & we hit it off only to hear later that I "was nice, but too pretty! I don't want her NEAR my boyfriend!" LIKE I WANTED LEROY JR. IN THE FIRST PLACE?! *shrug* I was stuck there with no friends, missing my pill dealing boyfriend who kept begging me to move back to him, &no matter how hard you worked you couldn't get paid barely a dime! In Austin I had gotten well accustomed to waitressing & bringing home $200-$300 a night!
Finally, I started to make some friends. It was like it all happened so fast! Of course, the friends I made were of the rich-kid partying variety so I fell right back into the drug scene, partied all hours of the night, met some people I'd never let my son (or future kiddos) hang out with. I doubt detail is needed, you can probably imagine! During this time I even met a few good people. People who started the process of helping me pick different paths, people who made me want to do better again, people who made me feel worthwhile. One in particular who I will always remember as the person who God placed in my path to help pick me up after I fell.
So the weekend before summer classes started, after I had quit all the other drugs I had been doing... I decided to quit smoking pot! I had been a dedicated stoney stoner since my first years of high school, but I just felt ready to quit. SO Saturday night, I went to the only store that would have been open past 10pm, & everyone is out, about, &ready to shout! (Yeeeehaw! Know what I mean?? LoL!) I had a few options of where to go for the night to at least get my drink on. I hadn't given that up yet! I had originally planned to surprise a special someone but the special someone didn't have the best skills of communicating & after something was said & misread, I had decided to cancel those plans. I figured I'd make it easy for myself to just stay away from any parties where I knew burnouts would be so I didn't cave & smoke. I chose to party with the rich-kid partyers.
SO...
I catch a ride with one guy to a club our friend owns. On the way, he changes direction to a house party. We meet up with a kid who had been trying tirelessly to get my attention, with no such luck. I remember him getting an attitude with me a few times because of the attention I had been showing that special someone I referred to earlier (who also happened to be one of his acquaintances). So, we show up to the house party. Or their excuse for a house party, rather. Right away I feel odd about the whole situation. I look around & do a head count... there's five guys here... &... me? I ask where everyone's at. They respond with "On the way", & "At the store". Then the Weasel offers up shots to everyone. I'm a shot kind of girl, so I was all about it! Jager bombs! WHOO! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! *Fist Pumping* There was just one thing... one cardinal rule, which slipped through my finger tips. I didn't see him pour the shots. The shots were there & ready when we showed up. This is where Homer hits himself, screaming "Doh!"
During the rest of the night, I am in & I am out. At one point I remember stumbling to the restroom, peeing, & wiping...thinking "What in the world? What's that?? It's not like I'm into any of those guys..". I remember going to the convenience store with the Weasel to get more alcohol. I remember sitting in the parking lot of the convenience store I had originally started at 20 minutes away, with the Weasel. He was saying something, but I couldn't make it out. I remember being naked at the Weasel's house, in his swimming pool & almost drowning. I remember being in his bed, pushing him away.
I remember.
Then I remember waking up to a phone call... I answer to hear a worried voice, look around in confusion, then with a pounding head & sore throat I start screaming "Oh my God... Oh MY God..OH MY GOD!" I hang up.
There is Weasel.
Weasel apparently had his shower already, & is walking around his room like he's walking on sunshine.
Again, I start to fall back out...
I am in & I am out.
For the next two days.
During those days, I went to the sheriff's department, who transported me to a Memphis Rape Crisis Center (where I was treated like a street walker until the nurse realized I was SOMEBODY...a student in college, & cheerleader AT LEAST!), I tested positive for methamphetamine, opiates & THC, I met with a rape advocate, I cried in the arms of loved ones, I screamed & kicked & got in my car just to drive ...away.
After the drugs wore off, I wouldn't allow myself to sleep. For days, for weeks.
During those weeks, I dealt with being harassed by all walks of life. Because I had gone to the police, because I was pressing charges... it was a Hurricane Katrina of bullshit being thrown my way. Friends of the Weasel tried to run me off the road! People gathered in areas I normally would have gone to in attempt to jump me! It was just mayhem. As if I hadn't been through enough!
I was a frail angel... I had been chewed, spit out, beaten, broken & ripped apart.
I was hurting so bad, & one day...driving along a back road, crying as I listened to music. It hit me out of nowhere. I knew where I needed to go. So I went. I drove to Westside Baptist, the only church I knew anything about (thanks to that special someone, who had performed a concert there one evening). I couldn't bring myself to go inside. I wasn't dressed for it, of course. I was also very unsure.
That evening, in Wal-Mart with my grandma... God put in our paths the owners of that same church, Westside Baptist. It turned out that my grandma knew them & she introduced me. Immediately they saw the longing & pain in my eyes. They gave me contact information & I saw them again that Sunday.
I met with the Pastor. We spoke about being saved, & it slapped me right across the face... when I woke up, calling to God those three times out loud... that was the moment He saved me. After this message hit my ears, it was like peace on Earth. There was a change in me & around me. Of course, God was preparing me for dealing with the wicked. Which I did. At the time, I felt no justice was served. Now I know that no judge has power in comparison to the Lord. GOD is JUST! He has already collected debts, & I am sure there are more payments to be made.
Isaiah 30:18 "Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!"
The hardest thing in dealing with this traumatic experience has been with forgiveness. Jesus hung from a cross & prayed for his persecutors. How could I ever forgive? Where or who do I start with? Sometimes it is good to start with God. A lot of times people will go through something so tragic & traumatic... all they can do is begrudge God, demanding to know why them! What needs to be done first is to realize no matter how awful the situation, it will get better as soon as you put it in God's hands... because He has a plan! He had one all along!
Proverbs 16:3 "Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. "
Another place to start with forgiveness is forgiving YOURSELF! In my situation, I knew better to drink those shots which I did not see poured myself... but I can't turn back time. I can only learn from my mistakes & let my light shine! It is much better to learn from others mistakes than go through the hardships yourself.
As for forgiving the people involved... I've felt the power of God trying to help me heal with this issue, & I feel like I'm ready to face the Weasel & announce this forgiveness. I feel like I have forgiven, but it won't be official to me until he knows. This has been the hardest chapter in this story but it feels incredible to know that this book is finally coming to a long-awaited end.
I am healed!
(&you can be too!)
Thank you for reading this post.
God Bless!
X's & O's!
Friday, June 11, 2010
This ones for the girlssss....lalaaalalalalalalaaaa!
"Enough with the STINKIN' THINKIN'!" - Patty Lee, Christian Women's Conference
Love life! Love yourself! Love the fact that you wake up in the morning & there's sky above you & ground below you. Love the fact that you have eyes to wander with, ears to help you jam out, a voice to be heard with. More than just taking notice of the gifts you were blessed with by the good Lord himself, USE THEM. If there's something you have been meaning to tell someone, or something you have been meaning to do... love the fact that tomorrow is only hours away! &Use tomorrow to accomplish some of these things. Make a list & work on checking things off.
An important factor in concerns to checking off your list of to-do's is ATTiTUDE! How you approach a situation, whether positive or negative & anything in between, will 9 times out of 10 dictate what you will get out of that situation.
1 Peter 4:10 "Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully adminstering God's grace in its various forms."
Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."
X's & O's!
Squeaky Clean
So here it is, a fresh brand-spanky new BLOG! It feels like I just walked through the front door of my 2nd floor studio apartment & everything is neat, tidy, in place, smelling of cleansing products & Yankee candles. Sounds lovely, doesn't it? HA! Well, take a big whiff, honey, because it doesn't last long! :)
Anyhow! Welcome, welcome! Take a seat! Here's a nice cold Bud Light, or if you are more of the pompous ass type - have yourself a nice glass of Merlot or whatever suits your fancy fancypants. (I have to admit, I am quite the wine-o. However, a crisp cold draft beer in a frosted pint glass never gets old!)
In this blog I have full intentions to be misunderstood, to piss people off, make people smile (maybe even LOL, who knows?!), educate, preach, learn, have fun, go MIA for days, kick back & relax, get a little messy, show a little love & break a few hearts.
So all I'm saying is if I were you, I'd probably stay tuned.
Or make an addition to your favorites list at the least. :)
X's & O's!
Anyhow! Welcome, welcome! Take a seat! Here's a nice cold Bud Light, or if you are more of the pompous ass type - have yourself a nice glass of Merlot or whatever suits your fancy fancypants. (I have to admit, I am quite the wine-o. However, a crisp cold draft beer in a frosted pint glass never gets old!)
In this blog I have full intentions to be misunderstood, to piss people off, make people smile (maybe even LOL, who knows?!), educate, preach, learn, have fun, go MIA for days, kick back & relax, get a little messy, show a little love & break a few hearts.
So all I'm saying is if I were you, I'd probably stay tuned.
Or make an addition to your favorites list at the least. :)
X's & O's!
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